Who looks into your life? Everybody. Especially when you want to get lost even to yourself!!
Tell me one thing that belongs to you; uniquely yours, yet you can't tell even your enemy not to use it!! It's your name.
Well, I am here today, the very first time, deriving inspiration from dejection, to tell my story - a sordid tale of happiness and want - that happens to everybody, but few are bold enough to wash their dirty linen in public.
I am beyond shame, hence should you feel I have crossed over the limits of modesty, please leave quietly and read no more. My expression, if and when graphic, is always unintended, but shall be uninhibited. It shall not be words, but the thoughts that may hinge on eroticism. Words are poor communicators to the range of feelings that are contained in a heart. I am not an orator or a writer, hence wish to apologize for my inadequate capacity to translate thoughts (oops memories) to words. But I promise you, I am a reflection to a common man's (or do I say woman) feelings which one faces in his / her walk of life but rarely finds the courage / time / opportunity to put them in words.
As I start today, let me tell you my position in life. I am an old man, over 40 years, pushing 41 by the number of winters I have spent but 42 on records (some blunder committed so that I could finish my school early). I am older than my years in many ways, but I commit blunders that could make a teenager shameful. Happily married I am or so it appears, but far from happy. I have an extremely disturbed conjugal life, my heart rests on stony ice and my dreams are to pluck the stars from the sky for love and duty. Oh my God!!
My nose has mostly been above the water in finances, while I would rate myself a little educated. Physical beauty and endowment has not been my forte; I thought I could hide it with virtues. Am I not mistaken!!! A Hindu by birth, I found couple of 'best' friends and love in a Christian. I thought I was Human. Am I an atheist? I don't know because I pray. I have prayed more for my loved ones and rarely for myself, but whom am I asking from is still a mystery. Religion leads to God, but neither God, nor religion led me anywhere. This is how I came here to tell you my story.
We may like to look at others and laugh, but did you ever look in the mirror and feel like laughing?? I am sorry, I do that much too often which is why I am in so much pain. I can lie to anybody and everybody with a straight face, but I am unable to lie to myself. The mirror reflects a grotesque self which makes me shudder and laugh - both at the same time.
Tell me one thing that belongs to you; uniquely yours, yet you can't tell even your enemy not to use it!! It's your name.
Well, I am here today, the very first time, deriving inspiration from dejection, to tell my story - a sordid tale of happiness and want - that happens to everybody, but few are bold enough to wash their dirty linen in public.
I am beyond shame, hence should you feel I have crossed over the limits of modesty, please leave quietly and read no more. My expression, if and when graphic, is always unintended, but shall be uninhibited. It shall not be words, but the thoughts that may hinge on eroticism. Words are poor communicators to the range of feelings that are contained in a heart. I am not an orator or a writer, hence wish to apologize for my inadequate capacity to translate thoughts (oops memories) to words. But I promise you, I am a reflection to a common man's (or do I say woman) feelings which one faces in his / her walk of life but rarely finds the courage / time / opportunity to put them in words.
As I start today, let me tell you my position in life. I am an old man, over 40 years, pushing 41 by the number of winters I have spent but 42 on records (some blunder committed so that I could finish my school early). I am older than my years in many ways, but I commit blunders that could make a teenager shameful. Happily married I am or so it appears, but far from happy. I have an extremely disturbed conjugal life, my heart rests on stony ice and my dreams are to pluck the stars from the sky for love and duty. Oh my God!!
My nose has mostly been above the water in finances, while I would rate myself a little educated. Physical beauty and endowment has not been my forte; I thought I could hide it with virtues. Am I not mistaken!!! A Hindu by birth, I found couple of 'best' friends and love in a Christian. I thought I was Human. Am I an atheist? I don't know because I pray. I have prayed more for my loved ones and rarely for myself, but whom am I asking from is still a mystery. Religion leads to God, but neither God, nor religion led me anywhere. This is how I came here to tell you my story.
We may like to look at others and laugh, but did you ever look in the mirror and feel like laughing?? I am sorry, I do that much too often which is why I am in so much pain. I can lie to anybody and everybody with a straight face, but I am unable to lie to myself. The mirror reflects a grotesque self which makes me shudder and laugh - both at the same time.
posted by lovthyself at 9:37 PM
0 comments
